More Questions Than Answers
by Delcy Kuhlman
 This whole matter of waiting seems to arouse deep feelings. Living as long as I have, I tend to think that waiting is inevitable and I either do it impatiently or with dull resignation. Now that waiting has become the topic for this newsletter, I have been called to think about it and I have to confess that the issue has raised more questions within me than giving me profound words to offer to you. Let me simply share the train of thought I have followed.
I first went to the dictionary for definition. Waiting: to remain inactive until something anticipated occurs; to remain in readiness or expectation; to remain temporarily neglected, unattended to. I can remember many times of feeling temporarily neglected while waiting on a street corner for my dear Tom to pick me up. I can smile about that waiting at this point – though it was not so funny at the moment. I had never really thought about expectation being such an integral part of waiting but this pondering makes me realize they are intimately connected. It is when that expectation does not seem to come about that waiting becomes distressing. Probably the most difficult of these definitions (for me) is to remain inactive while waiting. But when I found a nest of six baby bunnies in the large flower pot in The Stable, I was able to wait inactively until they had left the nest before planting new flowers in it.
I began to look at waiting in Scripture. Romans 8:19 surprised me a bit. Not only we humans wait but Paul says, “For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the children of God. If that is the case, waiting, in itself, must not be bad. The real issue might be in how we go about our waiting. I then turned to Psalm 27 where the psalmist pleads for God to lead him on a level path because of his enemies. He expresses belief in the goodness of God and then admonishes, “Wait for the Lord; be strong, let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” I found many passages that call for us to wait for God and I began to wonder if God does not wait for us as well.
The prophet’s words in Isaiah 30:15-18 seem to tie it all together: the manner in which I am called to wait, the issue of trust that is involved, and the reassuring word that God is waiting to be gracious with me. “For thus said the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel: In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength. But you refused and said, "No! We will flee upon horses"-- therefore you shall flee! and, "We will ride upon swift steeds"-- therefore your pursuers shall be swift! A thousand shall flee at the threat of one, at the threat of five you shall flee, until you are left like a flagstaff on the top of a mountain, like a signal on a hill. Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.”
While this search has been enlightening and reassuring, I still find that the questions are larger than the answers. If you are still reading, maybe you would like to ponder the questions with me.
Can the manner in which we wait affect the process of waiting? Does my attitude make a difference?
Do I wait actively with eager expectation or with dull resignation that leads me into a passive victim role?
Is waiting one of God’s gifts to us: a way to enter into his life, his longing for fulfilled love?
Does my waiting portray discontent with what is? Unwillingness to be satisfied with the present?
How do I wait when God’s intervention would require him to impose his way on one who does not choose to listen to God? Can I still wait with eager expectation if my desire would infringe on another’s freedom of choice?
How do I respond to God’s invitation to quietness and confident trust when everything within me wants to pound on his chest and demand an answer?
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